On March 24, I wrote the following in my prayer journal:
Father, I trust You to keep me going in spite of constant pain and fatigue. I need extra grace right now. Often I have difficulty making it through the day because of extreme fatigue. It is so hard, Lord! But You know that. I pray I would persevere and that You would be glorified through my weakness.
"Challenging" describes my health the past couple of months. Not only have I dealt with pain and fatigue from fibromyalgia, but I've also lived with menopausal night sweats which have kept me from sleeping through the night. I was on Premarin for years which kept the night sweats at bay, but last summer I discontinued it because of warnings that it might cause breast cancer.
I look back and marvel at God's faithfulness through these last couple of months. He gave me (and continues to give me) strength to take care of my grandkids, cook and clean house as well as pursuing His plans for Comfort & Compassion Ministry .
At one of my lowest points, God directed me to this verse:
Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
When I read that, I felt like God had penned it just for me. Next time you feel fearful and anxious, ask yourself these questions and then look at God's reassurances.
1. What do I fear? For me, it was the fear that my physical problems would keep me from continuing with Comfort & Compassion Ministry. I've lived with fibromyalgia for over 25 years. God continually gives me the strength to live out His purpose for me. But I feared the added burden of not sleeping would cause me to shut down.
2. Am I anxiously looking at my circumstances? In other words, living by sight and not faith? It helps me to remember that Jesus, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross. (Heb. 12:2b) Hebrews 12:3 tells us to think about Jesus enduring hostility against Himself so that we will not grow weary and lose heart. Jesus has been there; He knows how I feel. He is in heaven interceding for me. My circumstances are never too big for Him.
3. Do I really believe God will take care of me during difficult times? Let's break Isaiah 41:10 down and look at the reassurance God gives us that He will take care of us.
a. I am Your God. When I meditate on who God is, it relieves the fear and anxiety. Our God is all powerful, full of grace and mercy, able to do all things. That includes fulfilling His purpose for me in spite of my physical state.
b. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Doubts seem stronger at night when a hot flash wakes me up and I have difficulty going back to sleep because of pain. This verse reminds me that God always gives me strength when I need it, and He always helps me in times of trouble. I thank Him for that and eventually fall back asleep.
c. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. What a word picture! I often think about God holding my hand as I walk through tough times. He is big and strong, and I am weak, dependent, and needy. I cannot slip and fall because God has me by the hand.
We need to lean into God and cling to His promises when we feel least like doing that. Joy comes through the reassurances in God's Word that surely He will strengthen and help us. Joy also comes from knowing that someday God will wipe away every tear. There will be no more pain, no more sorrow, no more fatigue. What a glorious day that will be!
Showing posts with label faithfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faithfulness. Show all posts
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, October 12, 2009
Delayed Dreams
Job 42:12 says "And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning." As a late bloomer, I whooped with joy when I first read that verse. I wrote it on an index card and have it on my desk to remind me that with God it's never too late for Him to fulfill dreams.
Throughout my life, one of my greatest regrets was that I never finished college. In my early 50's I found out about a small Christian college that would give me credit for my life experiences if I wrote a relevant paper. I was accepted and attended the college for about a year. My credits added up to 30 at the end of the year.
One of the instructors was an intern from Dallas Theological Seminary. One night he mentioned that DTS would accept someone without an undergraduate degree if he or she had enough ministry experience plus an acceptable score on the GRE. The admissions committee reviews each of these types of applications individually and makes a decision.
Shortly after that I was driving down the freeway, and God very clearly spoke to my heart to apply to DTS. I kind of laughed like Sarai when God told her she was going to have a child when she old and barren. But, convinced that I was supposed to do this, I attended a "Discover Dallas" day which gives prospective students the opportunity to find out about DTS.
We had the opportunity to sit in on classes, which I loved. My excitement level soared as I listened to teaching by some of the best Bible professors in the world. Could it be possible that God really meant to fulfull my dream by getting me into DTS? I came back to earth with a huge thump as I sat through lunch. The president of DTS highlighted one of the prospective students whose parents (and I think other relatives) had both attended DTS. He had high praise for the young twenty-something.
Also at lunch those around my table asked each other about their undergraduate background. Where is that hole that opens up when you need it? Thoughts of my unstable, sinful background, my lack of a degree, and my age bombarded me. Rather than fixing my eyes on Jesus and who I am now as a child of God, I let the enemy convince me that I didn't belong at DTS. All I wanted to do was escape the shame I now felt.
Biting my lip to hold back the tears, I got up to leave. However, God had other plans. Somehow I ended up talking to a kind, compassionate, and encouraging admissions counselor. He listened to my doubts and then said, "Why don't you apply anyway; you never know."
Well, I did. . .and I was turned down, even though I did well enough on the GRE to be admitted (that was a shock). "Lord, did I not hear you correctly?" I prayed. The letter telling me I didn't make it told me to apply again in a year, so I did. I was turned down again! A couple of years later I sensed that God was telling me to try again. This time I had no illusions about being accepted, but if God wanted to me try again, I would. Surprise! After five years and three trys, I made it. So, at age 54 1/2 I enrolled as a student at DTS. I graduated three and a half years later with a master's in Christian Ed.
Lessons learned:
Comparing ourselves with others leads to pride or disillusionment. God's Word tells us not to do it, so why do we struggle so much with it? I shudder when I think how close I came to walking away from the dream that the Lord wanted to fulfill for me.
God's timing is perfect. Between the time I first applied and the time I was accepted, DTS changed their policy on students without an undergraduate degree. I would only have been allowed to earn a certificate in Biblical studies rather than a master's if I had been accepted the first or second time I applied.
With God all things are possible. I have fibromyalgia, and when I took the GRE I was experiencing foggy brain which means I couldn't think. I prayed my way through the test, and the Lord in His graciousness allowed me to score high enough for DTS requirements. Also, I needed 30 hours to apply to DTS which is exactly what I had.
With God, it's never too late to see your dreams fulfilled. I graduated when I was 57 years old. He alone enabled me to finish in spite of constant pain and overwhelming fatigue. I will never forget staring at a blank computer screen when I had to write papers, not knowing how I could do this. Except for the year I spent at the small Bible college, I had been out of school for over 30 years. Yet amazingly over and over I got papers back with A's or B's.
The greatest thing that came from my time at DTS was a fresh, expanded awareness of God's faithfulness. Over and over He kept me going when I didn't think I could put one foot in front of the other. My dependency on Christ grew exponentially. I hung on to Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
Dear friends, God wants to fulfill your dreams! Trust His heart and His timing. Know that He desires wonderful things for you. The path to the fulfillment of your dreams may be long and hard, but it is so worth it. Don't give up! Many times I came home from DTS and collapsed, barely able to move. When my faith was weak, He was still faithful. We serve a mighty God who is able to do more than we can think or imagine.
Let me pray for us. Dear Father, thank you that You have wonderful things planned for us. Help us to trust You and not give up. Help us to be obedient and follow Your plan for our lives. Ultimately, it's about glorifying You and fulfilling YOUR purposes on earth. I pray my sisters in Christ would catch a renewed vision of Your great faithfulness and Your ability to finish the good work You started in us (Philippians 1:6). We love You and praise You for Your grace, mercy, and love. In the precious name of Jesus, amen!
Throughout my life, one of my greatest regrets was that I never finished college. In my early 50's I found out about a small Christian college that would give me credit for my life experiences if I wrote a relevant paper. I was accepted and attended the college for about a year. My credits added up to 30 at the end of the year.
One of the instructors was an intern from Dallas Theological Seminary. One night he mentioned that DTS would accept someone without an undergraduate degree if he or she had enough ministry experience plus an acceptable score on the GRE. The admissions committee reviews each of these types of applications individually and makes a decision.
Shortly after that I was driving down the freeway, and God very clearly spoke to my heart to apply to DTS. I kind of laughed like Sarai when God told her she was going to have a child when she old and barren. But, convinced that I was supposed to do this, I attended a "Discover Dallas" day which gives prospective students the opportunity to find out about DTS.
We had the opportunity to sit in on classes, which I loved. My excitement level soared as I listened to teaching by some of the best Bible professors in the world. Could it be possible that God really meant to fulfull my dream by getting me into DTS? I came back to earth with a huge thump as I sat through lunch. The president of DTS highlighted one of the prospective students whose parents (and I think other relatives) had both attended DTS. He had high praise for the young twenty-something.
Also at lunch those around my table asked each other about their undergraduate background. Where is that hole that opens up when you need it? Thoughts of my unstable, sinful background, my lack of a degree, and my age bombarded me. Rather than fixing my eyes on Jesus and who I am now as a child of God, I let the enemy convince me that I didn't belong at DTS. All I wanted to do was escape the shame I now felt.
Biting my lip to hold back the tears, I got up to leave. However, God had other plans. Somehow I ended up talking to a kind, compassionate, and encouraging admissions counselor. He listened to my doubts and then said, "Why don't you apply anyway; you never know."
Well, I did. . .and I was turned down, even though I did well enough on the GRE to be admitted (that was a shock). "Lord, did I not hear you correctly?" I prayed. The letter telling me I didn't make it told me to apply again in a year, so I did. I was turned down again! A couple of years later I sensed that God was telling me to try again. This time I had no illusions about being accepted, but if God wanted to me try again, I would. Surprise! After five years and three trys, I made it. So, at age 54 1/2 I enrolled as a student at DTS. I graduated three and a half years later with a master's in Christian Ed.
Lessons learned:
Comparing ourselves with others leads to pride or disillusionment. God's Word tells us not to do it, so why do we struggle so much with it? I shudder when I think how close I came to walking away from the dream that the Lord wanted to fulfill for me.
God's timing is perfect. Between the time I first applied and the time I was accepted, DTS changed their policy on students without an undergraduate degree. I would only have been allowed to earn a certificate in Biblical studies rather than a master's if I had been accepted the first or second time I applied.
With God all things are possible. I have fibromyalgia, and when I took the GRE I was experiencing foggy brain which means I couldn't think. I prayed my way through the test, and the Lord in His graciousness allowed me to score high enough for DTS requirements. Also, I needed 30 hours to apply to DTS which is exactly what I had.
With God, it's never too late to see your dreams fulfilled. I graduated when I was 57 years old. He alone enabled me to finish in spite of constant pain and overwhelming fatigue. I will never forget staring at a blank computer screen when I had to write papers, not knowing how I could do this. Except for the year I spent at the small Bible college, I had been out of school for over 30 years. Yet amazingly over and over I got papers back with A's or B's.
The greatest thing that came from my time at DTS was a fresh, expanded awareness of God's faithfulness. Over and over He kept me going when I didn't think I could put one foot in front of the other. My dependency on Christ grew exponentially. I hung on to Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
Dear friends, God wants to fulfill your dreams! Trust His heart and His timing. Know that He desires wonderful things for you. The path to the fulfillment of your dreams may be long and hard, but it is so worth it. Don't give up! Many times I came home from DTS and collapsed, barely able to move. When my faith was weak, He was still faithful. We serve a mighty God who is able to do more than we can think or imagine.
Let me pray for us. Dear Father, thank you that You have wonderful things planned for us. Help us to trust You and not give up. Help us to be obedient and follow Your plan for our lives. Ultimately, it's about glorifying You and fulfilling YOUR purposes on earth. I pray my sisters in Christ would catch a renewed vision of Your great faithfulness and Your ability to finish the good work You started in us (Philippians 1:6). We love You and praise You for Your grace, mercy, and love. In the precious name of Jesus, amen!
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